I’m one of them, the women with daddy issues. Luckily my daddy issues are good ones, I want a man as good as my daddy was. However saying that out loud has never won me any yes-votes. The best response I get is silence.
I once went for a tarot reading and my psychic for the day caught on early in the reading that I prefer a man like my father. From the look on her face I could tell that I was either supposed to deny it or apologise for the fact, but I didn’t respond because I didn’t see what the problem was. I still don’t.
My father wasn’t perfect, but he laid a very solid foundation about what a man should be to me. He should be intelligent, reliable, family-focused, hard-working, not take much shit from anyone and know how to speak his mind. I have more requirements than just that, but without the basics the rest becomes irrelevant.
I’m not going to spew statistics or a list of findings from some study on women and their fathers, because some things are glaringly obvious.
When you are raised by a man who is good to you, takes care of you, protects you and supports you, it plants in your mind a belief that men are good. When you see the same man’s flaws and failings it teaches you that your super-hero is just an ordinary man too. This clearly sets up a woman to have a sensible, balanced outlook on the nature of men and that is something that many of us need.
As much as I love men I’m realistic enough to know that there are those who prey on the insecurities of women with bad daddy issues, but they are normally people who have issues of their own. Like attracts like. My father is not on a pedestal in my mind, I am just honest about the fact that his character influences my relationships with men.
Part of being powerful as a woman is knowing yourself well and accepting what you find out about yourself. There are many things I like about the kind of man my father was and there are some that doesn’t work for me, like I want a more affectionate and open person. Leaving your daddy issues, good or bad, lurking in dark corners makes it difficult to create successful relationships because you are not aware of what you bring to the table.
One of the core objectives of making my marriage work was to keep my children’s father in their lives, because he was an awesome dad. I knew that just being in his care would already set them up for great relationships in future. It worked for me, so I did it for them.
My psychic was quick to tell me that she also looks for her father in men, and to say that she has never found him. Well boo-hoo to her! There is a difference between wanting a man to be your father and wanting a man like your father. I suffer from the latter not the former, because I am a grown woman with a mind of her own.
I was raised by a good man and I will not be dropping the standard he set.