Like I said in my previous post, I don’t like the type of thinking that says you have to trick and manipulate someone to be in a relationship with you or to commit long term. It doesn’t sound like love to me.
When I see advice that says: do this, say that, go here, try that, it’s a painful reminder of the person at the other end of all that manipulation. I used to be that person; hungry for love and approval, desperate to feel safe; dying to be worthy and adequate. That person should not be strung along in love games. It’s ugly and mean and real love cannot start out that way.
We, and by that I don’t just mean women, treat ourselves like an undesired commodity that has to be foisted on some unsuspecting sucker; as if we are unworthy of being wanted fair and square. That is the only reason why anyone would follow advice that encourages such insincere behaviour.
I can honestly say that I used to see myself in that way, sometimes I was the manipulator, other times the sucker. It was painful, it was degrading, it was unnecessary and it never got me the love I wanted. After much tears and inner turmoil and honest introspection I realised this:
I’m Worth Wanting.
And I, Netta, am the one who wants me the most. The rest of creation can join the cue behind me, please and thank you!
Oh, the journey to get there I would never want to take again, but what a destination! When I first got what it means to really love yourself, I couldn’t stop laughing. Not because it’s humorous, but anything other is so ridiculous. It was a laugh of incredulity (big word!). Gradually it sunk it that:
I am safe in my own hands.
I cannot be heart-broken if my one true lover can never abandon me.
I can appreciate myself for all the good I see in myself and I don’t have to wait for outside validation.
I can have as much love and understanding and support and second chances as I want as long as I give it to myself.
I literally have it all.
So now, every time I look in the mirror I feel as if I hit the jackpot. Really! That beautiful woman looking back at me, is ME. All those brains, that persevering spirit, the loving heart, the calm, peaceful manner is mine to enjoy as much as I want. That face is mine to stare at as long as I want. This body is mine to touch and pamper and use as I see fit. All of this is mine, so there is no reason for me to beat myself up about who doesn’t want me.
I still get hurt by disapproval and criticism and judgements. I still feel like I could be better or different in some ways, I must admit. And so I work diligently at becoming an even better Netta, so I can love her even more.
We should want ourselves. As my friend says about everything: “It works out cheaper that way.”