Oh, Commitment! Are you out there?

found on weddingpartyapp.com
Make it a joyful choice

Men commit to their favourite sports team no matter how often they lose games. They commit to that old pair of shorts and that tatty t-shirt that you wouldn’t even use as a floor-rag. They commit to a certain brand like they own shares in the company. They commit to their careers and hobbies sometimes to the exclusion of other areas of their lives. Men even commit most of the crimes of the world. Clearly it’s not difficult for men to commit to what they want.

Women and their relationships with women are things men find extremely difficult to commit to though. That is if you believe women’s magazines, relationship books and random people calling themselves experts, and refuse to believe your own eyes.

A man can commit to standing in the rain, in waist-high slimy water to catch a fish on a cold day, but he cannot commit to a woman? Really?! He has a problem committing to the giver of love and warmth and comfort and sex and companionship and hot meals (you don’t have to cook it, just supply it, girl!). He cannot commit to the only avenue by which he can have family and a legacy and a home, yet a slimy, cold pond is a shoe-in? Come on, ladies! Think!

All this stuff about how you get your man to commit creates problems where there should be none. You and the prospect of a loving and supportive relationship with you is the ultimate prize to him. It is to you isn’t it, so why should the inverse not be true? When I see an article that says: “Get him to commit in 90 days” I just want to scream!

In the words of the immortal Amy Winehouse, “What kind of fuckery is this?”

I don’t want to spend my earthly days with a man who I have to trick and strategize into being with me. And for that matter, men come looking for women; we don’t have to trap them by way of war-like manoeuvres. They do so willingly and persistently, yet when time comes to put all cards on table women are led to believe a major, highly inexplicable plot change occurs. Suddenly he gets flighty and she gets desperate – or so they say.

I’ve seen men desperate for a wife or just the attention of a good woman and it happens more often than anyone would admit. I’ve seen women turn down men who were ready to give them the world on a platter.

Commitment should be a joyful choice, made by two people who cannot imagine life without each other, not a hunting expedition where one becomes the predator and another the prey. Ladies be clear up front if you want to get married, don’t just go along with plans that don’t suit you hoping to eventually convince someone to spend their life with you. And men, if you leave it for too long all the good ones get taken; there are few things more sad than an aging player.

 

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5 comments

    • Hi Lirique, I think this whole commitment set-up as it is right now leads us too give other people way to much leverage over us women. Not a good thing!

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  1. You’re absolutely correct. I’m completely new to dating and relationships, and I don’t really know how to break that cycle. It bothers me a lot too, and I feel like women are left with doing a lot of the hard work 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hear you and I know how disheartening it can be. But I have learnt that men can be darlings, when you believe they will be. The best advice is to want yourself more than any other person wants you. Let their love and desire for you be confirmation of the love and desire you have for yourself. Never leave yourself hungry, feed yourself first and don’t rely on someone else’s approval. Its not that you wont get hurt or ever feel unhappy, but no one will be able to devastate you or break you heart to pieces, because you will always be loved and wanted; by yourself. It’s so much easier that way.

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